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I Will Never Buy A Beatles Album

I will never, ever buy a Beatles album. Ever. I will not buy a song by the Beatles, or a compilation, or even a CD as a joke for a friend. It’s not because I hate The Beatles… It’s because there’s no reason to. At all.

Let’s play Devil’s advocate… Why would you want to buy a Beatles Album?

You: “I want to listen to The Beatles.”

Okay, turn on the radio. Seriously, turn on the radio and flip through the dial, and I guarantee you The Beatles are playing somewhere, on some channel, right now.

You: “But I don’t have a radio!”

Sure you do. Even if you only have a CD player in your home, your TV gets radio. Trust me.

You: “I live in a hut with no electricty.”

Then you don’t really need any CDs, do you? But go one hut over, I’m sure they’re listening to The White Album right now.

You: “Okay, fine, fine, I accept The Beatles are playing somewhere right now, but what if I want to listen to another song that’s not playing right now.”

It should be on shortly, hang tight.

You: “But I want to listen to a reeeeally obscure Beatles song.”

No you don’t, you want to listen to “Help.” Or maybe “Yellow Submarine,” but probably not. Also? There are no obscure Beatles songs, they’re songs by The Beatles.

You: “Fine, fine. But I like to have CDs on my shelf that show people what I like.”

Are you kidding? Everybody already knows you love The Beatles. They’re The Beatles. It’s like having food in your refrigerator, no one is going to be impressed you own food. Save your money. And so will I.

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