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People Don’t Want Female Led Movies, They Want Movies With 13 Dwarves

Moviegoers have laid down the gauntlet with the results of this weekend’s box office, and the message is clear: female led films just don’t work, but films with thirteen dwarves in them definitely do.

“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” isn’t just the fourth highest opening for a December released movie ever, it’s the second highest opening for a movie featuring thirteen dwarves of all time.

Compare that to the animated musical “Frozen,” which fell to an embarrassing second place after four weeks of release, or “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” which has only grossed a pitiful $735 million dollars worldwide since it hit theaters a month ago. Both have female leads, and both are, by any standard, tanking.

On the other hand, movies with thirteen dwarves in them look like a sure bet.

When “The Hunger Games” sequel opened a month ago, Hollywood insiders cautiously analyzed the box office opening of $158 million, which is just a fraction of the worldwide lifetime cume of “Marvel’s The Avengers” – a movie that featured a MALE archer.

Then “Frozen” opened a few days later at number two with $67.4 million, which is just sad given there were two female leads. Maybe that explains being in second place LOL?

Cut to several weeks later, and finally we have our answer on what the next big trend is in movies. It’s not female led movies: they can only break records and dominate the box office for a solid month, and that’s all. No, it’s movies with thirteen dwarves in them.

Hollywood would be smart to greenlight as many films with thirteen dwarves as possible, and soon, because that audience is hungry for more!

Not more female led movies though, that’s clearly a losing proposition.

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