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Sketch Time Machine: Pepsi Coke

Because hey, why not, I thought I’d start posting some of my old/never performed/never to be performed again sketches online, with commentary about them. And I will call it, “Sketch Time Machine!” And it will be good. Hopefully.

Year Written: June, 2003

I like sketches that eat themselves, and this one does it nicely. It fizzles a little towards the end, but for the most part, it hits the right notes for the idea. Whether you like the idea or not, of course, is up to you.

Here’s the sketch:

Pepsi Coke

By Alex “Pizza” Zalben

and Jeff “Chocolate” Solomon

Man-On-Street and Taster are standing center stage, by a table with 3 cups on it.  In the background, 3 scientists take notes menacingly.

MOS: Hi, we’re on the street where people are taking the Pepsi-Coke Challenge.  (turns to Taster) Okay, we have three sodas for you to try.  Pepsi, Coke, and new Pepsi Coke.

Taster: Pepsi Coke?

MOS: Yes, we’ve taken the Pepsi people love and infused it with the delicious taste of Coke.

Taster: Okay.  (Taster tries all three)  Well, this tastes like Pepsi, this tastes like Coke, and this also tastes like Coke.

MOS: So which do you like better?

Taster: I like Coke.

MOS: Great.  Then buy new Pepsi Coke.

Taster: Why?

MOS: Because if you like Coke, you’ll love new Pepsi Coke.

Taster: But there’s really no-

MOS: It tastes like Coke.

Taster: So why shouldn’t I just buy Coke?

MOS: Why shouldn’t you just buy Pepsi Coke?

Taster: Why shouldn’t I just buy Coke?

MOS: Why shouldn’t you just buy Pepsi Coke?

Taster: Pepsi Coke is the same thing as Coke.

MOS: Pepsi makes it.

Taster: Why should I care?

MOS: We care.  (Taster ponders this.)

Taster: …Does it-

MOS: It costs the same.

Taster:  …So, basically-

MOS: Yes.

Taster: Why shouldn’t I just buy Coke?

MOS: Why shouldn’t you just buy Pepsi Coke?

Taster: Coke.

MOS: Pepsi Coke.

Taster: I’ll stick to diet.

MOS: We have Diet Pepsi Coke.

Taster: Naturally.

MOS: And Pepsi Diet Coke.

Taster: Of course.

MOS: Diet Pepsi Coke takes the Coke taste of Pepsi Coke, with none of the calories of Coke, Pepsi, or Pepsi Coke. Pepsi Diet Coke tastes like Diet Coke, but Pepsi makes it.

Taster: Pepsi makes both of them.

MOS: You’re correct. Except one tastes like Diet Coke, and one tastes like Pepsi Coke.

Taster: Which taste the same.

MOS: Except Pepsi makes them.

Taster: I’m leaving.

MOS: Perhaps you’d prefer a Pepsi Pepsi. It’s a Pepsi, with the taste of Pepsi. Except it’s made by Pepsi.

Taster: What?

MOS: I’m just kidding. No, I’m not. Wait, am I?

(Scientist shakes his head.)

MOS: No, I’m not. Have a cup.

Taster: This tastes like Coke.

MOS: Really?

Taster: I don’t know. How about this.

MOS: What?

Taster: I won’t buy Pepsi Coke, but I will buy Pepsi Cherry Coke Cherry Pepsi Diet Coke.

(Scientist hands him a cup.)

MOS: And?

Taster: It’s not good, but it definitely tastes like what I asked for.

MOS: Buy Pepsi Coke.

Taster: No.

MOS: YES.

Taster: All right.  (MOS hands Taster a bottle.  Taster walks offstage, shrugging.)

MOS: New from Pepsi, it’s Pepsi Coke.  If you like Pepsi, drink Pepsi, if you like Coke, drink Pepsi.  Pepsi Coke.  It’s the choice of a generation that likes Pepsi or Coke.

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